The Daily Zeitgeist

To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II:

In light of your immediate failure to financially manage yourselves and also in recent years your tendency to elect incompetent Presidents of the USA and therefore not able to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately. (You should look up ‘revocation’ in the Oxford English Dictionary.)

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except Kansas , which she does not fancy).

Your new Prime Minister, David Cameron, will appoint a Governor for America without the need for further elections.

Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated sometime next year to determine whether any of you noticed.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

1. The letter ‘U’ will be reinstated in words such as ‘colour,’ ‘favour,’ ‘labour’ and ‘neighbour.’ Likewise, you will learn to spell ‘doughnut’ without skipping half the letters, and the suffix ‘-ize’ will be replaced by the suffix ‘-ise.’Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up ‘vocabulary’).

2. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as ”like’ and ‘you know’ is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. There is no such thing as U.S. English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take into account the reinstated letter ‘u” and the elimination of ‘-ize.’ ‘

3. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.

4. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you’re not quite ready to be independent. Guns should only be used for shooting grouse. If you can’t sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist, then you’re not ready to shoot grouse.

5. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. Although a permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

6. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left side with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.

7. The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline) of roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it.)

8.You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.

9. The cold, tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. New Zealand beer is also acceptable, as New Zealand is pound for pound the greatest sporting nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer. They are also part of the British Commonwealth – see what it did for them. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat’s Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.

10. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English dialogue in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one’s ears removed with a cheese grater.

11. You will cease playing American football. There are only two kinds of proper football; one you call soccer, and rugby (dominated by the New Zealanders). Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies).

12. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America . Since only 2.1% of you are aware there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will learn cricket, and we will let you face the Australians (World dominators) first to take the sting out of their deliveries.

13. You must tell us who killed JFK. It’s been driving us mad.

14. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty’s Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776).

15. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 p.m. with proper cups, with saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; plus strawberries (with cream) when in season.

God Save the Queen!

(I just had to repost this as it was just too amusing to let pass!)

For those of you who may have missed it, a version of my earlier post about religion, the census and lesbians was published on The Guardian website today.

You can read it and my contributor profile by CLICKING HERE.

Changing government policy is a relatively easy thing to do; it’s the implementation that seems to cause the most problems. And so, when Theresa May announced last July that the government would end Labour’s shameful and illegal policy of deportation of gay and lesbian asylum seekers to countries where their lives were in danger – even suggesting that they could live happily ever after if they “hid” their true nature – it was rightly applauded. Even those who had previously argued that May’s personal views on homosexuality made her unfit to hold the office were forced to admit that maybe a Tory Home Secretary can change the spots on her leopard skin shoes.

Well, Theresa, it’s crunch time.

An unhappy confluence of events and articles in the last few days have combined to form the first true test of Theresa May’s purported conversion.

Firstly, we had a vile piece in The Daily Mail by Melanie Phillips which raged against the LGBT “rights” agenda, and bemoaned what she perceived to be the continued destruction of “Christian Values”. I won’t post the link here because I think she deserves not one more ounce of that thing she thrives on – publicity. Suffice it to say, if you have ever read anything by Melanie Phillips, I really think she outdid herself with the amount of hate and vitriol she spewed this time.

Today, the BBC reported the death of David Kato, a Ugandan gay rights activists who obviously ruffled one too many feathers in Uganda. He was beaten to death in his own home. This is the same Uganda that wanted to pass a law allowing for the death penalty for gay and lesbians.

Also widely reported today is the plight of Brenda Namigadde, a lesbian from Uganda, due for deportation from the UK on Friday after failing in her bid to convince the UK Border Agency that she was worthy of asylum protection. Why? They did not believe she was a lesbian.

However, the Ugandan politician David Bahati – the man behind the bill to allow execution of LGBT Ugandans – obviously believes her to be gay. He said:

“Brenda is welcome in Uganda if she will abandon or repent her behaviour. Here in Uganda, homosexuality is not a human right. It is behaviour that is learned and it can be unlearned. We wouldn’t want Brenda to be painting a wrong picture of Uganda, that we are harassing homosexuals.”

In Uganda, homosexuality is not a human right – yes, that’s what he said. That’s the kind of world Melanie Phillips and her ilk want to live in. A world where gay and lesbian citizens are NOT free, nor equal. A world where beating someone to death for being gay is a normal occurrence. A world where the government condones the death penalty for LGBT people. As Melanie puts it, a world with “Christian values”.

Thankfully, the law on asylum is clear – a person has the right to asylum basically if they have a “well-founded fear of persecution” in their home country. That’s not some airy-fairy socialist EU-imposed law (take note, Tory right wingers and Melanie Phillips) – that’s the UN Convention Relating to the Status of Refugees. Big stuff.

Now, I don’t know if she is or she isn’t gay: all we know is the position of the UK Border Agency is that there is “insufficient evidence to support” that claim. Although how one proves one is a lesbian is not exactly clear, especially if (for example) gay and lesbian people have been effectively forced into heterosexual relationships in oppressive countries to hide their sexuality – or face death. So, whether or not she actually IS a lesbian or not is not really the issue here – it is clear from the statement by Bahati that he believes her to be so, and it is this perception that truly matters in this case. Is the UK government honestly suggesting that, even if she is not a lesbian, that she will not be persecuted – and end up beaten to death like David Kato – if she returns to Uganda?

LibDem equalities minister, Lynne Featherstone, has spoken in the past of her belief in the rights of LGBT people and much was made during the formation of the coalition of having a LibDem in the Home Office. I have met Lynne on several occasions and I know her to be nothing but absolutely and utterly committed to moving the equality agenda forward as best she can. She said one time that her and Theresa did not always see eye to eye, but there was at least a discussion about things rather than just stonewalling (pardon the pun!).

Well, Lynne – perhaps now is the time to have that word with Theresa about this issue?

Given the events of the last few days, it would be proof of May’s and the government’s commitment to protecting LGBT asylum seekers and evidence of the coalition’s greater protection of LGBT rights if immediate action was taken on Namigadde’s case.

The Home Secretary has discretion is ALL asylum cases. She can stop this right now. And she should.

I’ve been quiet on the blog-posting front lately.  Quite a few things have been going on, not least of which is that I have just bought a house!  So there is a great deal to get sorted out.

Add to that the fact that we had arranged to leave on a holiday to Hong Kong and Australia just a week after my offer on the house was accepted (no, we didn’t arrange it like that!) and you can see that things have been a little manic.

So – I’m currently in sunny Melbourne, having had a wonderful four days in Hong Kong.  I’ve uploaded some pics of the trip so far to Flickr, so if you are interested, you can see the Melbourne set by clicking on the photo below.  The full Hong Kong set is to follow, as are more from Australia as we go along.

The Black Cat Cafe, Brunswick Street, Fitzroy (Melbourne, Australia)

Regular readers of my blog will know that my previous posts have highlighted the less-than-honest tactics of the Islington Labour party in the current fight in Islington, particularly in the south which is a highly marginal seat.  Just take a look HERE and HERE.

So no surprise to learn that they’ve been up to their usual shabby practices when it comes to election posters. Read the rest of this entry »

Firstly, I should make it clear that I am SO not a morning person. So when it was suggested I get out and about for 7am to distribute campaign literature, I knew it wasn’t my ideal time of day. I rarely see 7am in a conscious state.

But today was different – today is the day Gordon is off to the palace to finally call the election. Today is the day that the campaign for change really begins.

Today marks the start of the final countdown on this tired Labour government.

So I and lots of other LibDem activists turned out at all the tube and rail stations across Islington South to distribute hundreds of free magazines to share out message with the morning commuters

After the four-day Easter break, a few people looked fairly glum with the prospect of returning to work. I’m sure, though, that the prospect of finally getting rid of Gordon Brown and Labour (especially in Islington South & Finsbury) cheered them up no end!

And the best part of this morning? There wasn’t a single Labour activist in sight!

I’m not sure about the language (for broad public release, anyway) but the sentiment is spot on. Perhaps with a slight adjustment, I can see posters on the roadside….

Thanks to Chris Wiggin for re-tweeting this from the creator, @bemusedpuma!

Credit to @bemusedpuma on Twitter for this gem!

Here’s a letter I had published in the “Islington Gazette” about the threats (or otherwise?) to the Freedom Pass:

You can read the letter on the Islington Gazette website by CLICKING HERE.

ISLINGTON GAZETTE – 17 February 2010

JENNY Davies (Viewpoints, Gazette, February 11) wrote that Labour are completely incoherent on the Government’s £30million cuts to travel cards for pensioners. She is right – Labour are all over the place.

Jeremy Corbyn, Islington North MP, and local Labour councillors are denying there’s a problem. But, according to last week’s letters page, Emily Thornberry is putting out leaflets claiming there is a threat to the Freedom Pass. And at the Greater London Assembly, I see that Labour politicians have called the cuts deplorable, and “bad news for cash-strapped boroughs”.

Half the Labour party seem to have scrambled to defend Gordon Brown, the other half to save their own skins. Mixed messages from Labour politicians means that they can’t be trusted to defend the travelcard. And, at the end of the day, the £30million cut is coming from Gordon Brown’s Government.

Labour councillors accuse people of scaremongering, but pensioners deserve a straight answer on whether the Government’s cuts to the Freedom Pass will put the current service at risk.

Brent Martin, Elthorne Court, Elthorne Road, N19.